Miss Gay 070

(This is Zack – I’m in Hawaii. I’d rather NOT be sitting on my computer, so here is a random post I wrote like 7 months ago but never posted for some reason. ENJOY.)

Last Thursday was an experience.

Normally most experiences that I partake in start with some sort of drug or alcohol consumption. On this particular night however, that was not the case. My BFF Jonny invited me out to some random bar for free drinks on the house. I’ve actually become spoiled by this perk that I continually experience because of his media affiliation and me being his best friend – sounds lame, but I used to actually get offended that bartenders would ask me for money when I ordered a drink….I guess I became used to drinking for FREE.



Plans changed at the last minute and I found myself on the way to a bar called Numbers, which Jonny told me was mixed (Gay and Straight). Whenever you’re hitting a club on Davie street in Vancouver, the sexual preference of the bar always comes into question. It’s all good. I’ve been at the gay bar a bunch (my BFF is gay) but I had never experienced Numbers in all it’s glory and was kinda looking forward to checking it out. We show up, and walk right into the middle of a drag show. Yes, a giant 6 foot 4 dude dressed as a chick had most of the club getting down to Lisa Stansfield.

This was the moment when I paused and made a mental note that I would never have experienced this if I had stayed in Edmonton.

After being approached and hit on by a dude in drag (who had impressive and extensive knowledge of the vast Vancouver gay social network) we made our way to The Odyssey. Same situation, however we randomly ran into a guy that I was great friends with back in Junior High. FUNNY STORY – In Christian School, he was teased all the time and accused of being gay – Turns out he was!!! – He now lives in Vancouver and apparently has become quite the fixture on the gay social scene, allowing us easy access into the bar without paying cover, and causing favoritism from the bouncers (I don’t even want to know how).


Here is some insight into gay bars if you’re a straight male. You see, It seems every time I hit one up, I ALWAYS end up hooking up with a girl (edit: BUT NOT ANY MORE CUZ I’M TAKEN). I believe this is:

A) Because the competition is slim

B) The women get hammered and horny and have no one else to give it to

C) I’m smooth (lol)

Inside, I met some chick who apparently has been a regular at The Odyssey since she was 17. She’s 34 now. Do the math.


She told me she enjoyed this place because she “fucks the strippers”.

FYI – – The “O” has a night dedicated to naked dudes in showers. I assume this is rouse the gay clientele. The funny thing is, apparently most of the dudes dancing naked are actually straight. I guess that makes sense……?

Regardless, I was turned off by her 2 decade stretched vadge and the fact that she was probably a harvesting STD factory. Our conversation slipped into oblivion and suddenly I wanted to go to bed.

I realized that Vancouver is truly a mecca where you can arrive and become anything you want to. I’ve witnessed many people escape here and find themselves. Must be the fact that we got mountains, ocean, and city all within 20 minutes of each other.

At the end of the night, I retired sober (not the norm), but was greatful for the conversations had and the people that I met.

Till next time.



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